Halloween coffee


While going over coffee tasting notes after writing my last blog post, I came across a gem by Klatch on the Poizon Blend, which seems to be geared toward Halloween. I canโ€™t resist quoting from [and commenting on] a few choice turns of phrase from their site:



REGION: Inferno [Wait, whereโ€™s that?]

VARIETAL: Chemical Means [Not helping.]

FARM: Place of Torment [Ah, Iโ€™m beginning to catch on.]

ALTITUDE: -1490 M [Ok, definitely Hell, though it should probably be much deeper. That depth is nowhere near the ocean floor in parts of the Pacific, for example. Am I taking this too seriously? ;) ]

FARMER: Old Roastmaster [?]

ROAST: Dark [Yes! Very appropriate.]

NOTE: Coffee to Die For [Another overly terse one, but I like it.]



โ€ฆThis delightfully dark brew will satisfy the dark side in you [Wait, this sounds like the Emperor from Return of the Jedi talking now: โ€œStrike me down with all of your hatred and your journey towards the dark side will be complete.โ€]. The steam coming off the cup will draw you into rich captivating aroma [What if I brew over ice?]. As you take in the aroma you will have no choice but to take your first sip of this delicious brew [No choiceโ€ฆbecause the Force is involved! Another covert Star Wars reference, undoubtedly]. As the intoxicating beverage floods your mouth you will be overwhelmed with notes of sweet tobacco, bittersweet chocolate, and that one flavor that keeps you coming back for more [Different for each person? Now thatโ€™s a good Jedi mind trick. What about the flavor of Princess Leiaโ€™s lip gloss?].



Is Poizon the real deal? Quick, someone go place a test order and see what happens! If the only payment method available is โ€œyour mortal soulโ€ or something similar, then weโ€™ll know for sure that the beans are legit.



In all seriousness, this blend reminds me of one of my current favorite YouTube videos, a Gothic cooking show set to heavy metal by the Vegan Black Metal Chef. Itโ€™s very appropriate for this time of year. After watching Mr. Vegan get all worked up over udon noodles and seitan recentlyโ€”get it? seitan/Satan?โ€”I began to wonder how amusing it would be to see him turn to coffee and tackle the proper way to grind and brew a cup that meets his own exactingly evil standards. I even posted a suggestion to that effect on his Facebook wall. Weโ€™ll find out soon whether or not anything comes of it. In the meantime, I think I might have unearthed the perfect mug for this master of the dark culinary arts. Would you agree?



/files/u5804/skull_mug.jpg" height="420" width="420" />



Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published

This site is protected by hCaptcha and the hCaptcha Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.